We have a whole set of taboos around gift giving in the West. You would never ask what a gift you’ve received cost the person giving it, and refusing a gift is unthinkable outside of very precise circumstances like those of conflict of interest or laws prohibiting gift giving to certain people (politicians for example). Nor would the person giving a gift ever express any expectation of receiving one in return. Nonetheless we all estimate what a gift might have cost and usually try to give an equivalent back.
Equivalence is very important for those who share a similar status, ie not parents and children but cousins, lovers, friends for example, and is clearly expressed at Christmas with the practise of Secret Santa giving; budgets are set to avoid anyone spending too much or too little. One person spending much more or less than the other, regardless of what they might be able to afford, creates feelings of discomfort and even bad feeling, perhaps even more so if you receive what you consider an over generous gift. Why? Continue reading
So in a small departure, this week’s post takes a look at a theory from evolutionary biology not anthropology. This is not my specialism so apologies for any over-simplification but I thought it was so interesting it was worth writing about.
Mother and baby: a relationship in harmony or in conflict?
Most people in the West have pretty incoherent and conflicting beliefs around the relationship between mothers and their babies. On the one hand having a baby is seen as the most natural thing in the world, mothers and babies are seen as working in harmony, each biologically programmed to work together for the best possible outcome. On the other hand, birth is incredibly dangerous, babies are exhausting and are occasionally described as ‘manipulative’ for wanting more milk or crying a lot. Harmony on the one side and conflict on the other. Evolutionary biologist David Haig, addresses the subject of infant sleep with the intention of illuminating just how little harmony there often is. Continue reading
Interrupted sleep is the most common complaint of new parents in the UK. Tiredness, fatigue, exhaustion, all the synonyms come into play when describing what for many is the hardest part of being a parent, especially when the children are still very young. Everything I’ve read indicates that we have unrealistic expectations of how well and long babies should sleep but also how well and long adults should sleep too. There’s such a lot of fascinating research on sleep that I’d like to return to this subject – there’s so much to say!
There is a school of thought that says that babies and toddlers who don’t sleep through the night shouldn’t be expected to. If we look at sleep practises around the world, bed sharing and breastfeeding during the night are so common that putting babies in their own room to sleep all night can seem rather bizarre. Are we really the only culture that doesn’t sleep with their babies? Would it be better if we did? Should babies be sleeping through by six months or a year? Continue reading